Me Against the World
by sweetkiwi604
Summary: As much as people are ignorant about it, words DO hurt. Bullying happens no matter what school you go to. Lauren Winchester has learned this the hard way over the years. Luckily she has a twin, Sam, and an older brother Dean there to help her out. Set during "After School Special". Sister fic. Co-written by the wonderful SPNxBookworm.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: We sadly do not own anything having to do with Supernatural only Lauren belongs to us.**

**Bullying. Anyone who has ever gone to school has heard the word whether you were the one being bullied or the person doing it. Last weekend my step-son showed us a video his third grade class made about bullying and even did their own music video of Taylor Swift's song 'Mean'. I have never been so proud but, as most things in life, it got me thinking. I know I've written one-shots before dealing with the subject but I wanted to really get into what a person feels going through it and how they come out on the other end. **

**SPNxBookworm and I started chatting about a month ago and there is no one else I would rather be writing this with. We come from very different backgrounds, live halfway around the world from each other and have an almost nine year age difference but I've never talked to someone with such similarities as myself. To make a long story short, she isn't just a truly genuine person but an amazing writer as well.**

**Just remember you are never alone, even if the person if on the other side of the globe.**

**A/N (SPNxBookworm): Thank you to Sweetkiwi604 for being such a sweetheart and asking me to co-write with her. She is the most amazing person I've had the fortune to meet on here and she is an equally extraordinary writer. I feel privileged to be co-writing with her. I'm sure this is going to be an amazing experience. I hope you all liked our efforts. We'd love some feedback on what you think about it! And to all those getting bullied out there, I've been bullied as a kid and so has Sweetkiwi604. As per my experience, I'd like to say that it DOES get better so just hang in there :) It may seem a real struggle at first. It's hard to cope and I know how the words and taunts sear at your confidence. It's really heart breaking. Thus, we decided to get together and put a light on the ever present issue at hand.**

**Please read and review we would love any feedback! :)**

Chapter 1

I was listening to music as we pulled into Fairfax, Indiana our home for the next couple of weeks. Sam pulled off my headphones and I was about to yell when he motioned to my father who was waiting for a response.

"I'm sorry, sir, I didn't hear you," I apologized putting my music away.

"Like I just told your brothers, this hunt shouldn't take long," he repeated as he pulled up in front of Truman High. Dean and Sam got out of the car and I was about to follow when my dad stopped me. "Lauren, please no more fights."

"Yes, sir," I replied automatically as I got out of the car and stood next to my brothers as we watched him drive away. What my father didn't understand was that I never started the fights I was just trying to stand up for myself but he was never around long enough for me to talk to him about it.

"You guys got your lunch? Books? Butterfly knife just in case?" Dean asked Sam and me as we stood on the sidewalk being the ever protective big brother.

"Yeah, Dean," Sam replied with a sigh as I nodded along with my twin.

"You ok?" Dean picked up on the apprehension in our brother's voice.

"Sure," Sam answered a little too quickly, an instant give away that everything was not alright.

"Sammy…" Dean pressed as I took in my surroundings.

The building looked ancient though pretty well kept up but it was the people on the inside that had me wanting to stay on the sidewalk.

"I mean, look, this is the third school we've been to this year, and it's only November. I'm just sick of always being the new kid," Sam finally answered.

"You'll be fine," Dean assured. "If anyone gives you any trouble, you let me know. Relax. Dad said this hunt will take him two weeks, tops. As soon as he gets back, we're out of here."

"To another school. Awesome," Sam smiled sarcastically and left Dean and I standing on the sidewalk as he went into the school.

"Want me to walk you to homeroom?" Dean offered with his head tilted towards the school.

"No, I'll find it," I said. I'd have the same homeroom as Sam anyway. I readjusted the strap of the messenger bag I was using to carry my books and looked at the school in front of me.

"It's just two weeks," Dean whispered in my ear before giving me a wink and strolling through the front doors, holding it open for a cheerleader that was walking out.

I found homeroom easy enough and saw Sam waiting by the door for me. After a quick introduction by the teacher stating that we were new students, I took a seat in the back of the class as Sam hurried to a seat a few seats ahead of me. I heard the clatter of something that I was pretty sure was his knife. I just hoped he hid it in time. As I sat down, I saw him already talking to a kid. Lucky. He's already made friends.

"Hey…hey new kid," the girl next to me whispered as the teacher was doing roll call. I looked in her direction without actually answering. "Where'd you get your bag?"

"My grandfather gave it to me," I easily lied feeling too embarrassed to tell her that we picked it up at a thrift shop a year ago.

"Lauren Winchester," the teacher called out glancing around the room to see who would answer.

"Here," I raised my hand a little annoyed and hurt that she had forgotten who I was already. She just introduced my twin and me to the class not even five minutes ago.

I hung my head and stared at the table, absently scratching at it while the teacher gave announcements and started walking among the tables handing out schedules for Sam and me.

"Psst. Hey." I heard a hiss from my side. I looked over to see a brown haired, blue eyed, bespectacled girl smiling a genuine smile at me.

"Hey," I muttered back giving a small smile in return.

"I'm Sarah."

I smiled. Maybe this couple of weeks wouldn't be so bad after all. "Lauren."

We had to stop our chat as our teacher walked up to us. I looked at my schedule as she handed me mine.

"Aww, shucks," Sarah seemed disappointed as she glanced at my schedule. "I don't even have lunch with you. Oh well, at least we'll meet in the homeroom." I smiled as I nodded. She was right I would at least get fifteen minutes everyday with someone who was friendly though if there were more girls like Sarah I might make some friends in my other classes as well.

"We'll walk to our classes together if you want," I suggested.

She eagerly nodded. The teacher dismissed the class and everyone slowly started filing out and heading towards their respective classes for the next period. I craned my head trying to spot Sam and huffed in annoyance when I couldn't spot him. I shuffled up to my locker, surprisingly; Sarah's locker was right next to mine. We beamed at each other at the coincidence and as she took books out of her locker for her next class I shoved my bag inside of mine not wanting to draw more attention to myself. I pulled out a notebook, pencil and stealthily slipped my butterfly knife into my jean's pocket.

"Well, I've got to go this way. See you after school!" Sarah told me as she hurried towards her class. I sighed as I started walking the opposite way looking for my Math honors class. All that kept going through my head was the fact that I wanted this year to be different than the others. I was always the freak in a new school and a constant target for bullies.

"Hey! Lauren!" I heard Sam's yell which jolted me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I asked as I faced Sam. We both eagerly checked each other's schedules and I felt the small spark that had ignited, dissipate. We only had one class together. "Dang, we only have English together," I realized my voice faltering.

Sam smiled sadly. "Hey sis. It's okay. At least we have _one_ class together, don't we?" I nodded. He was right. In most of our other schools, we were always separated from each other. I bid him goodbye as he walked to his locker, chatting with his new friend. The least he could have done was introduce me but I figured he was just excited to have someone who wasn't a Winchester to talk to.

I didn't pay attention to the people around me as I glanced around the rooms looking for Math. That's when I saw a girl ahead of me getting tripped by someone. She fell hard on the ground, her books flying in all directions. I ran up ahead to help her.

"Here," I said as I handed her the books. She mumbled a small 'thanks' as she stood up. "Wait," I stopped her as she turned to leave. I faced the bully and was shocked to see the same girl who had asked me about my bag in the homeroom. She smirked at me.

"Well look who it is. Winchester right?" she questioned, though it seemed more like taunting to me.

I'd done this too many times. Standing up to these jerks was like my daily routine. It didn't mean that it didn't hurt when they said crap about me. "Yeah. So? Look, just leave her alone okay. She didn't do anything to you."

She seemed surprised at my standing up to her. "What? Don't you tell me what to do, you shrimp. I…" she cut off as a teacher walked over to see what was happening. Apparently a large crowd had gathered.

"What's going on here?" the teacher asked.

"Nothing Mr. Burton," the bully replied with sickly sweet smile. Thankfully, everyone headed their own direction as the teacher stood his ground. I followed the girl who I'd helped.

"Hey wait up!" I called out. She was a brunette with dark brown eyes and a really innocent and shy look on her face. "I'm Lauren. What's your name?"

She smiled. "Hey. I'm Talia. Thanks for standing up for me there by the way. I hate that girl. Her name's Chrissy."

I waved my hand as if to say it was nothing. "No problem. I know how you feel. I'm always the freak at a new school."

She looked at me in surprise. "Oh. So you're the new kid?" I nodded.

Looking to change the subject I asked if what her class was and to my dismay it wasn't Math. But except for Math we had almost every other class together. She was supposed to leave for an hour owing to some medical problems by what she was telling me. That meant that I'd have to sit with Sam for lunch.

x-x-x

I silently shuffled to the cafeteria after stowing my books in my locker. This had been a long, hard day. I'd already become a target for bullies. I'd been humiliated in front of my English glass because of Chrissy tripping me up as I walked up to the blackboard to answer the question. Even worse, Chrissy was in every single one of my classes. I hate Winchester luck.

I silently took my tray of food and scanned the filling up cafeteria for Sam. I spotted his shaggy head and practically ran to his table needing the assurance that I wasn't completely alone, only to stop short as I saw his whole table filled with guys. He'd made a lot of friends. And there wasn't any room for me either. I sadly found a single table at the far end of the cafeteria and sat down. I'd lost my appetite as the thought of Sam forgetting me built up inside of me. I didn't feel like eating much. I played around with my food and dumped it into a trashcan as the bell rang to signal the end of lunch.

I had my head down looking over a map of the school that was laid out like a maze when I walked face first into a door that had been opened causing me to fall backwards. I closed my eyes trying to ignore the laughter as I swallowed my anger and brushed myself off.

"Laur?" I heard the all too familiar voice of my older brother and looked up to see him wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Great, we haven't even been here a full day and he was already in the janitor's closet with some girl. Why did both my brothers have an easier time making friends? "What are you doing down there?" he asked with his hand out to pull me to my feet.

"Got tired of standing," I replied sarcastically as I straightened out my map and finally figured out where I had to go for science.

"Come on, I'll walk you," Dean stated throwing an arm around my shoulders.

The offer was almost too good to refuse but I didn't want Chrissy to find something else to tease me about. "No, it's ok."

"Alright," he answered hesitantly and for a minute I thought he was going to press me about out it but thankfully he let it go. "Meet you on the sidewalk after school's over and we'll walk to the motel."

"Sure thing," I managed to smile and headed off to my next class so I wouldn't be late.

I walked into the classroom and knew I had the right one when I saw microscopes set up at every table. Just like every other teacher that day I was introduced to the class as Lauren Winchester, the new girl, and just like every other time Chrissy snickered.

It was the last class of the day and though I tried to pay attention it was a topic I had already learned in the last school I was in. I watched the second hand on the clock slowly tick and I swear it even went backwards once. Then it came the lovely sound of the bell letting us know school was over.

I almost ran outside and waved goodbye to Sarah and Talia as I walked up to my brothers.

"So, how was school?" Dean asked me as we walked towards the motel.

I shrugged along with Sam. I watched as Sam quickened his pace. I followed suit, vaguely thinking that I might not be the only one feeling a little left out here. I just hoped this wouldn't last long and dad would be back.

"Two weeks and we'll be on to the next town," Dean assured as he fell in step next to me.

_Two weeks_, I repeated in my head. Certainly, I could get through two weeks, right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: We sadly do not own anything having to do with Supernatural only Lauren belongs to us.**

**I speak for both SPNxBookworm and myself when I say we are overjoyed with the amount of people who have had a response to the story! Thank you all very much for your support and we hope you enjoy the next chapter!**

**We put a little something special in this chapter for ispiltthemilk and Jenmm31 for their constant support and friendship not only for this story but for all the other ones we have as well!**

Chapter 2

I glanced up from my homework as Dean entered the motel room with our dinner. The two of us had been sitting here for the past hour doing the bucket load of assignments we had gotten on our first day.

Dean smirked. "Look at you both acting like sincere, obedient little elves."

"Elves?" I countered raising an eyebrow at him. Dean faltered and shrugged. Sam eyed him with a shrewd gaze.

"Need anything, Sammy? 'Cause there's no way I'm going to be terrified of your I-can-kill-you-with-my-eyes look," Dean teased and I couldn't help but laugh as Sam rolled his eyes.

"Nope. I don't need anything. Just wondering why you didn't get any homework," Sam said as he resumed his work.

Dean scoffed, "Dude, have you ever seen me actually do my homework? Truth is I can't wait to be out of school. Then all I have to concentrate on is hunting, which is a piece of cake." He threw himself back on one of the beds with a slice of pizza.

I couldn't help the frown that had formed. "Don't you want to graduate?" I asked curiously closing my math book and shoving it into my worn messenger bag. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I wanted to graduate with honors if I could, maybe even convince dad to let me go to college for a few years. Though I was kind of glad it was still a long way away, that was one fight I wasn't looking forward to.

Dean shook his head. "What's the point when it won't help in the future?" Neither Sam nor I could answer. Dean didn't think like us. Sam and I always chatted about future possibilities, the colleges we would like to apply to, and the careers we would chose though it always seemed like some dream world; a perfect place where hunting could take a backseat to our hopes and desires.

"Okay, eat your dinner and then go to sleep. We've got an early start tomorrow," dean motioned to the pizza box on top of the dresser.

Sam and I both raised our eyebrows in astonishment before Sam asked what we were both thinking. "Since when are you eager to get to school early?"

Dean smiled wickedly. "Since I met Amanda Heckerling." I made gagging noises as I playfully put my finger in my mouth as I stuck out my tongue remembering slamming into the janitor's door as Dean had emerged from it with the girl in tow. "Shut up," he muttered tossing a pillow in my direction.

After eating dinner, taking a shower and brushing my teeth I lied on the couch, my bed for the moment, staring off into space. I was dreading going back to school tomorrow, maybe I could make an excuse and stay in the motel room or something. No, I'd have to have to turn in all those assignments and Dean would turn into some annoyingly concerned mother hen. Maybe I could meet up with Talia in the beginning of the day, she could give the teachers my assignments and I could just hangout at the park. No, that wouldn't work either because Sam would notice I wasn't in English. At least I hope he would notice.

Sam and I had always been incredibly close but recently I felt as if he was moving forward while I sat on the sidelines. I glanced over to where he was lying on his bed, his face smushed into his pillow, already asleep. He was my twin but I suppose he wasn't a mind reader, I'd just have to admit to him tomorrow I was feeling a little left out. He'd make things right. He would never forget about me. Dean mumbled a barely coherent 'good night' as he switched the light off in the room.

I rolled over and faced the back of the couch hoping neither of them would see the lone tear that managed to escape. "Please be a better day tomorrow," I prayed quietly before drifting off to sleep.

x-x-x

Sam chatted excitedly all the way to school about the English paper we had been assigned. I tried to nod at the appropriate times to let him know I was listening but truth was I couldn't stop thinking about Chrissy and what today would bring. I thought about it so much that a knot started to form in my stomach making me feel nauseous.

"And then we could exchange our papers and edit them for any errors before they are due on Friday. What do you think?" Sam questioned as the school came into view.

"Huh? Oh yeah, that's fine, Sam," I answered giving him a half smile that he accepted before running over towards his new friend leaving Dean and I to walk the rest of the way just the two of us.

"So," Dean nudged me with his elbow as he walked with his hands in his jacket pockets. "What's with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I readjusted the messenger bag on my shoulder scanning the mass of people outside the school for a familiar face.

Dean lightly grabbed one of my arms and spun me around so that we were face to face, "Laur, you're acting like a space cadet. What's going on?"

"It's just…" I sighed ready to tell him how defeated I had been feeling after yesterday when Amanda basically skipped over to us and wrapped her arms around one of his.

"Good morning," she smiled biting her bottom lip completely ignoring the fact that I was standing right there.

There was no way this chick was going to interrupt our conversation. I was his baby sister and I always came first, right?

"Morning," he smirked turning slightly to put his arm around her waist, pulling her even closer to him and kissing her.

Okay, so he was greeting her and then he would remember me and that we were about to talk. I impatiently waited for a few moments when I couldn't take it anymore, just standing there watching them make out, so I let out an audible sigh and shuffled my way to homeroom.

"Hey," Sarah waved as I walked into the classroom.

"Hey," I smiled back relieved that at least someone wanted to talk to me today even if it wasn't either of my brothers.

We casually talked as the teacher did roll call and I was feeling one hundred and ten percent better as the bell rang.

Physical Education. Those two words always made me cringe when I saw them on my schedule no matter what school we were in. I was not athletic at all, though since I grew up training I had an upper hand when it came to running and climbing the robe, I was significantly horrible at any sport. As if that wasn't enough reason to hate gym class there was always the lovely locker room where we had to change into red shorts and white t-shirts. Winchester luck had me stuck not only with shorts that were long enough that they came way past my knees but my shirt was big enough to be lose on my father.

"Ok," Ms. Williams signaled the beginning of class as she stood there with a whistle around her neck as she scanned over a clipboard. "We will be doing five on five drills for basketball. Chrissy, Elena, Devan, Mia and Julie you will be the yellow team first," she read off the board before tossing them each pennies they put over their shirts. "Now for the blue team. Let's start with Becca, Kate, Sadie, Leah and…" she trailed off as I closed my eyes praying I could sit this one out. "Lauren." Crap.

"Ms. Williams, I really don't know if that's a good idea," I spoke up as she tossed me a blue mesh vest to put over my white shirt.

"Nonsense," she waved me off. "You're not trying out for the W.N.B.A. just do the best you can."

I smiled weakly as Kate assured me that they would handle making the baskets all I had to do was defend Devan. Ms. Williams blew the whistle and we were given the ball first. Trying to look like I knew what I was doing I stayed as close to Devan as I could while the rest of my team manage to score us two points. I cheered giving Becca a high five as we ran back to our side of the court. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. Sadie was exceptionally talented and I watched in awe as she stole the ball from Elena and scored us two more points.

I also noticed a look of anger wash over Chrissy's face as our team cheered with each basket made. I don't know what went so wrong. One minute I was running next to Devan and then next I had the ball in my hand. Nervously looking for one of my teammates to toss it to I realized they were all being defended.

"Shoot it!" Leah shouted as she tried to push past Julie. Was she kidding? There was no way that I would be able to get this ball into that tiny hole way up there. "Lauren, shoot the ball!" she screamed again.

I pushed the ball as hard as I could in the direction of the basket, forgetting about bending my knees or even to aim for that matter and watched in horror as he hit Chrissy in the back of the head. Hard.

The speed at which she spun around and advanced on me was so quick I didn't even have a chance to form a thought or even move as she slapped me across the face.

"Ladies, that will be enough!" Ms. Williams stepped in. "I will see you in detention during lunch." _Good_, I thought smugly thinking about Chrissy sitting in detention until Ms. Williams turned to me. "Both of you."

Did she honestly think that I did that on purpose? Sure it had felt amazing for about two second but I never meant to hit her with the ball. Great, my brothers were going to love this.

The rest of the day all I heard were whispers in the hallway. Gossip was annoying. By the last period of the day it the story had changed from what actually happened to some horrific event that I gave Chrissy a concussion and ripped out a section of her hair.

Apparently I wasn't the only Winchester who had an altercation that day though mine was unintentional. In my last class of the day I heard some kid in the hallway laughing about 'Dirk the Jerk' and how he got taken out my some kid half his size.

"What happened?" I questioned my science partner who was usually super quiet.

"The new kid," he replied with a grin. "He's so cool!"

"Sam?" I asked in shock. Sam hated being the center or attention or so I thought.

"Yeah," my partner nodded enthusiastically. "Winchester is awesome! Do you know him?"

"I don't know," I answered half truthfully.

The end of the day couldn't come soon enough and I was anxious to find Sam. I had to know what happened. When I ran up to him on the sidewalk outside of the school he was shaking hands with his friend from the other day saying goodbye.

"Thanks again," the kid smiled.

"No problem, Barry," Sam nodded.

"Sam!" I heard my older brother's voice boom from behind me. Things were about to get ugly. Fighting was something we were supposed to avoid at all costs. "I heard you took out someone twice your size."

"Yeah," Sam replied as we started walking towards the motel room.

"Good job," Dean clapped his hand down on Sam's shoulder. I stopped walking and stared at the two of them in shock. Dean noticed I was no longer following and turned to look at me. "You coming?"

"What happened to no fighting in school?" I questioned angrily. "If dad was here he'd be ripping him a new one!"

Dean took a step closer to me, "No fighting in school? You're one to talk. I heard all about the girl you destroyed in gym today. If dad was here, Lauren, he'd be yelling at you! Can't you go to even one school without starting a fight?!"

"Dean, I…" I tried to explain that the story had gotten inflated and once again I was not the one starting fights but he cut me off.

"No, Laur, I don't want to hear it!" He shouted and pointed his finger in the direction of the motel. "Get going."

I huffed in annoyance. Not only did I have detention on my second day at this school but now Dean was disappointed at me to and that hurt more than anything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: We sadly do not own anything having to do with Supernatural only Lauren belongs to us.**

**Author's note: Hey everyone! Thanks for being such amazing people! We never expected such a response on this story and we are thrilled that you all seem to enjoy it! Sorry for taking so long in updating. Life's been busy and we were busy with our won stories as well. Anyways, we hope you like this one as we worked real hard on it and put a lot of emotion into it.**

****Warning** It has mentions of self-abuse/suicide attempt.**

**Once again, I love you guys! We love you guys! Thank you for the amazing support. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 3

To say my life got any easier during the next week and half would be a complete and total lie. Not only had Chrissy been exceptionally mean to not only me but to Sarah and Talia as well but Dean was still giving me the cold shoulder. I would have tried to talk to him if he hadn't been so pre-occupied with Amanda. Even Sam seemed to be too wrapped up in the feeling of belonging somewhere as his popularity grew to notice that I was having a hard time.

"I even got to be captain for soccer in gym and Barry said it was the only time he had ever been picked first for anything," Sam chatted excitedly with Dean as we walked towards the school I was starting to detest.

I stared at my shoes and kicked the random pebble here or there as I trailed behind them though I suppose they wouldn't have even noticed if I wasn't here at all. I liked to think I had thick skin. That I was able to just brush off everything that was being said to me or to ignore the whispers I heard as I walked down the hallway but after listening to it day after day and having no escape even back at the motel room I was at my breaking point.

Three more days. I had to keep repeating that to myself, there were only three more days left in this horrible school and then we would leave. I almost wanted to start counting down the hours until I heard the familiar, comforting sound of the Impala's engine. Not bothering to remind myself that the next school would have their own version of Chrissy.

School passed by in a blur. I briefly talked to Sarah in homeroom about what she had done over the weekend and tried to hide my jealousy when she told me all about how her brother had come home from college so they spent the entire weekend together. To my dismay, Talia was out sick which left me alone for most of my classes. Sam didn't even look up from his conversation as I walked past him in English and shuffled my way to the back of the class.

I was on my way to History when I over heard Dean telling Sam that dad had called. I let out a sigh of relief until I heard him say that the case was harder than dad expected so it would be another couple of weeks. Sam seemed thrilled as he ran off to meet up with his friends and I watched as Dean and Amanda snuck into another closet. Neither of them even noticing that I had heard every word.

It wasn't until lunch rolled around that I'd had enough. The sun wasn't shinning brightly down like it had since we've arrived. It was pouring which meant everyone had to sit in the cafeteria for lunch instead of being able to take their stuff outside. Translation, my table in the corner that I had been eating at for the past week and a half was filled with cheerleaders who had to keep checking their appearance every five minutes in those little useless mirrors they insisted on carrying around with them.

So, instead of bothering to find somewhere else to go I found myself sitting in the girl's bathroom in one of the stalls after I laid loads of toilet paper on the seat. How sad that this was my only escape. I couldn't believe it. I was supposed to be leaving in three days not another couple of weeks! I couldn't do this anymore. That's when I heard some girls walk into the bathroom. It wasn't until they started talking that I figured out who they were.

"Could this day get any worse?" Mia asked dramatically.

"Uh, yeah," I heard Chrissy answer. "You could be stuck with that fugly loser all day. I mean seriously why do I have to see her in _every_ class?"

"At least she doesn't carry that disgusting messenger bag around anymore," Devan chimed in.

"But have you seen her brothers?" Julie asked with a longing in her voice. "I don't know how she is even related to them. They are gorgeous."

"Well every one has a black sheep in their family. How embarrassing must it be for the two of them to have to share a last name with her?" Chrissy added.

"I know right?" replied Mia sympathetically as though she knew my brothers. I held my breath as they left. Was I really that bad? Did I even matter? Because as far as I could see, Dean pretty much shoved me off at every opportunity and Sam hardly even paid any attention to me. Maybe I was a loser; a burden.

I couldn't take it here anymore. There was no way I'd survive _weeks _in this place. I got off the toilet seat, threw the bundle of toilet paper I'd been sitting on into the dustbin and slowly opened the door. No one was there. Perfect. For once, luck seemed to be on my side. I hurried out of the washroom and sighed in relief as I couldn't spot Chrissy or Mia anywhere. I hurried to my locker and after unlocking it with shaky fingers, I pulled out my new school bag. I had to discard the messenger bag after Chrissy tripped me up in the hallway once resulting in my bag tearing at the seams. I'd somehow managed to convince Dean to get me a new one. It killed me inside that he believed the rumors in the hall instead of his own sister. It wasn't my fault the bag broke. Just another sign that my brothers didn't care.

I looked over to Sam's locker and saw him happily chatting with his friends. I felt tears stinging my eyes. It wasn't my fault...all of this...was it? I need to get out of here. I hitched my bag on my shoulders and ran. I took a deep breath as I pushed open the entrance door and stepped out. I felt like I was suffocating to death in that school. I truly couldn't deal with this anymore. I ran towards the direction of the motel, ignoring the tears that were now streaming freely down my face and pushing my legs to go faster.

**General Point of View**

Dean was slowly making his way towards the front of the school to wait for the twins, his head lost in the clouds after the few minutes of heaven he was just in with Amanda in the closet for the second time that day when a teacher stopped him.

"Excuse me, it's Dean, right? Lauren's brother?" the teacher asked snapping Dean out of his daydream at the sound of his little sister's name.

"Yeah," Dean nodded confused. "She didn't start more trouble again, did she?"

"Not that I know of," the teacher shook his head. "I was just wondering if she was feeling alright, she missed class today."

"What?" Dean questioned more confused than ever. Lauren never missed class. Ever.

"I'm sorry, I do have to get going or I'll be late for a meeting but please tell your sister to come see me for her makeup class work," the teacher excused himself as he left Dean standing in the hallway looking dumbfounded.

No matter how disappointed he had been with her for the last week his big brother senses were off the charts right now, something was definitely not right. Dean quickly scanned the small crowd of students hoping to spot Lauren when he saw Sam talking to a girl. Any other time he would have been proud that his geek little brother had finally gotten into girls but now wasn't the time.

"Sam!" Dean shouted as he jogged over to him breaking up the conversation and barely noticing that the girl walked over to her friends.

"Dean!" Sam full on whined but Dean didn't have time for it and quickly cut him off.

"Sammy, have you seen Laur?"

The worry evident in his older brother's voice made Sam concerned on what was going on. He thought back throughout the day and was shocked when he couldn't remember. Sam's face fell in horror that he had absolutely no idea where Lauren was. He looked at Dean, terrified. "I...I don't know...she was in English with me...I think...but then..." he stammered.

Dean's heart felt like lead. He didn't blame Sam for not knowing. It was the first time in a long time that the kid had even made friends in a school. But then again, as much as he knew what was happening with Sam, the alarmingly less he knew about Lauren. She barely even talked to them anymore. How could he have not noticed that?

"Crap. Something is wrong here," Dean muttered to himself. He couldn't shake off this feeling of dread. Not wanting to get into more trouble, he glanced at his watch and groaned in annoyance there was still one more class of the day left.

"Come on," Dean said. He didn't carry his books or bag with him anyway so he started heading towards the entrance of the school before realizing that Sam wasn't with him. He looked behind him to see Sam standing just where he had left him with a pained expression on his face.

"Sammy, what's wrong?"

Sam turned to Dean with tear filled eyes. "It's my fault. I didn't pay any attention to her. I'm supposed to know where she is. What if something – " Dean cut Sam off.

"No. It's not anyone's fault Sammy. If anyone should be blamed it's me. I've been too hard on her the past couple of weeks. And she will be fine. Just fine," Dean stated trying to convince himself as much as Sam. He couldn't imagine something horrible happening to his baby sister. "Do you know if there is anyone she talks to, you know, hangs out with or anything?"

Sam eyes went up as he thought, "Uh…" when Sam came up blank he had to blink back a few tears as he admitted, "I don't know."

"Alright, it's alright, Sammy, pack your books and come with me. We need to find her."

Sam nodded and hurriedly took the books he needed and ran after his brother who was already halfway towards the exit.

They both were glad that no one spotted them leaving the school and as soon as they stepped outside, they started sprinting towards the motel.

**Lauren's Point of View **

I shakily opened the motel room door, sobbing silently. I deposited my bag on the floor as I shut and locked the door behind me. I felt like I was falling apart. Racking sobs build up in my chest and I fell to the ground near my bed. I was openly crying now. Why did this always happen to me? Why was I always the target? Why didn't people care about me? I didn't deserve this, did I? What did I do that was so wrong?

Maybe I wasn't needed anymore. Sam and Dean hardly even seemed to notice me. Maybe if I didn't exist anymore, things would be better, be easier for the two of them. I'd be with Mom then. Dean would kill me for even having thoughts like this but I was dying either way, wasn't I?

I walked over to the duffel that had our weapons and pulled out my silver knife. I admired it as I ran a hand over it. It had helped me out a few times. I remembered the blood curdling scream the werewolf let out as it sliced through its skin right before Dean shot it through the heart. That had been just one of the many times I messed up. I can still hear dad's voice, the anger and disappointment that I didn't load my gun quick enough, that I had to fight off a werewolf with my knife until my older brother came to the rescue.

A small cut appeared across my index finger as I traced the blade lost in my memory. One slice across my wrist and I'd be on the way to heaven, hopefully. I didn't want to do this, but I had no other choice.

I pulled a piece of paper from my bag towards me as I kept the knife at my side. Sam and Dean deserved an explanation at the very least.

_I've tried. I've tried so damn hard to keep it together. But this has just gotten one bit too far. _

_I never hit anyone. I never hurt anyone. They hurt me. Their words sliced through me like knives. Ironic really as I seem to have a knife with me right now. _

_I know you guys might be pissed or upset but I can't take it anymore. I didn't understand why people hated me so much. But now I do, I hate me too. _

_So all I say is, I'm sorry for being a burden. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I just think that this is better for everyone._

_I love you both. I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore. _

_Lauren._

I took a deep breath as I put letter on the bed so that they could find it. The writing was scribbled from my shaking hands and had the random water drop here and there from the tears that seemed to just flow from my eyes at this point. I took a step back until I was against the wall; I slid down and raised the knife to my wrist.

I sat there for a minute with the cool blade pressed lightly against my skin telling myself that this was the only way out. I just needed it to all stop. I couldn't deal with anymore Chrissys. I was so tired of being strong and thick skinned. Their words resounded in my head for days after it had been said and the second it started to fade something else took it place.

I had never felt so alone yet my father's face kept appearing in my mind every time I went to press a little harder. The knife made a skinny red line appear and suddenly it was as if something in my mind had taken over.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I took the knife and in one swift motion put as much force as I could behind it before dragging it across my wrist.

**General Point of View **

Dean felt like his lungs would explode and a half glance at Sam showed that his little brother felt the same way. Why was the motel this far? They hadn't realized it before.

"There...it...is," Sam wheezed as he spotted it.

Willing their feet to go faster, both brothers sprinted the last few meters and skidded to a stop in front of their motel room.

"LAUREN!" Dean bellowed as he pounded on the door after realizing that it was locked. He didn't get an answer. Sam gave Dean a horrorstruck look.

"DAMN IT LAUREN WINCHESTER! OPEN THE GODDMAN DOOR!" Dean yelled his heart beating hard against his chest. He frantically searched his pockets for the room key but he came up empty. Had he lost it along the way?

"I'll pick the lock," Sam suggested as he dropped to his knees. They couldn't afford more trouble on their hands if they broke down the door and she really wasn't here. Dean nodded and he stepped aside for Sam to do his work.

He just prayed to God that nothing had gone wrong. That they weren't too late.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: We sadly do not own anything having to do with Supernatural only Lauren belongs to us.**

**Author's Note: We can not thank you enough for the support we are getting for this story. You all are AMAZING! This was a very difficult chapter to write.**

****Warning** There is more talk about suicide.**

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.

I silently and mesmerizingly watched the thin line of blood pool on my wrist before dripping drop by drop to the floor. The worn carpet was getting increasingly red but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the steady and almost rhythmic motion.

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.

It's like the drops were counting down the number of seconds or minutes I had left before I floated off to heaven. Would I really go to heaven though? I mean taking your own life wasn't really angel status. Oh well. Somehow, I didn't care that it stung like a bitch. I was finally feeling free of all the pain and anguish I had inside of me. I felt like it was flowing out of my system along with the blood. It was a beautiful release and for the first time in my short life I felt free.

I frowned slightly as somewhere in my head I heard a banging. And then I perked up as I heard Dean's voice yell from right behind the door.

_"DAMN IT LAUREN WINCHESTER! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!"_

I can't Dean. I don't want to. I just want all of this to end. A part of me maybe knew that what I was doing was totally and way out of line, but I didn't care at the moment. I felt broken. I felt betrayed. I was exhausted. I just wanted this to be over with. This was my way out. My brothers weren't going to be able to save me. Not this time.

"I'm sorry guys," I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes against the burn of tears.

**General Point of View.**

Sam cursed for the third time as his hands shook violently while trying to pick the lock. He was scared for his sister. He was terrified that something happened to her. He fumbled with the pick and dropped it.

"Shit," he hissed in frustration before hastily picking it up.

Dean watched Sam fumble and curse and felt his heart break a little more. His baby brother was just as scared as he was. If anything happened to Lauren Sammy would never forgive him though he would understand. He would never forgive himself either. He silently laid a hand on his shoulder and immediately felt Sam calm under his touch.

"Finally!" Sam yelled as the lock clicked in place and the door unlocked. He shoved his kit into his pocket and hurriedly turned the knob and stumbled inside followed closely by Dean.

The sight that greeted them had them shocked to the core.

Lauren sat in between the beds, leaning against the wall. She held a silver knife tightly in her hands and was staring at her left wrist which was bleeding. Her face looked devoid of emotion as silent tears raced down her face.

After getting over the initial shock both brothers immediately ran to their sister. They couldn't believe their own eyes. What the hell had happened?

"Sam, get me the first aid kit. Now!" Dean ordered as he rushed to Lauren ignoring his heart as it pounded against his chest.

**Lauren's Point of View. **

I vaguely heard my brothers rush in. Maybe I was glad that they came. Maybe I wasn't. I couldn't even tell anymore. Everything seemed so surreal, almost moving in slow motion, as blood pooled on the carpet. I felt a change in the air as Dean rushed up to me and held his hand over my wrist. That's when the pain shot up my arm and harshly jolted me back to the reality I was trying to avoid. I struggled out of Dean's grip and backed away towards one of the beds.

"NO!" I shouted as I jumped over the bed and stood on the other side with the knife still firmly grasped in my right hand. Certainly, it wasn't my plan to physically hurt either of my brothers but as the fog in my mind thickened I needed the option of a way out. No matter what it may be.

Dean held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "Lauren, please. Listen to me. You don't need to do this. We can talk, ok? Let's just talk about this," Dean told me as calmly and as gentle as he could.

"Talk?" I asked as I started laughing hysterically. "I don't think so."

Sam immediately moved to where I was standing and I yelled in rage. They were not going to ruin this. I wasn't going to get bullied into not doing anything again. Sam flinched and backed off a little. I swore I saw a hint of fear in his eyes but I didn't care. I couldn't care. I was losing my control over everything and my breathing quickened as I tried to figure out what to do. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be easy, quick and something that I had complete control over.

There weren't many things I had control over these days. Dean picked out what we were eating for meals. Sam had gone off and forgotten me. Chrissy made sure to make every day a living nightmare. This was my choice. My life was the only choice I had.

"Laur, please. Tell us what happened. Please," Dean begged. I felt the anger subside as I listened to his voice. Sure, I had heard him when he first spoke but this time I actually listened. My eldest brother's voice was full of concern, guilt and even a hint of desperation.

I did this. Just something else I managed to mess up.

I felt tears run down my face as I broke down. The knife fell from my hand as I crumbled to the floor with heart wrenching sobs. Sam come over to me and tied up my wound the best he could as I held my face in my hands. The pain was too real, too consuming as it pulled at my heart and left a hole in my chest. I couldn't talk anymore. Dean helped me to the bed and kept hold of me as I cried and cried against his chest. It was like all the events of these few weeks were crashing down on me like boulders. Chrissy's voice resounded in my head. The snickers, the comments, her laugh as I fell and the tears came even harder.

I didn't even realize that I had cried myself to sleep. All I knew was that at that moment in time I was in Dean's arms and I was safe from anything and everything. A feeling I hadn't had recently.

**General Point of View.**

Dean and Sam watched as their sister cried. Sam's eyes were full of hurt and guilt. He should have looked out for her. They could hear the pain in her sobs and it tore at the brothers' hearts.

Sam couldn't get rid of the image in his head when she screamed out in anger when he got too close. He had never seen his twin like that before and it scared him to the point that he didn't want to get to close. Would he just make it worse?

Dean rocked her against himself as her sobs turned to hiccups and then finally silence as she fell asleep. It had been years since Dean had held her until she fell asleep. He smiled sadly at the memory. She had thought of him as her hero, the one person she could count on to make the nightmares go away. But he supposed he hadn't been doing a very good job with that recently.

"Dean…her hand," Sam motioned to her arm in a broken voice.

Dean carefully laid Lauren against the pillows on the bed, waiting a moment to make sure she wouldn't wake before he reopened the hastily tied up bandage. The wound wasn't that deep but Dean knew that if his sister had even applied the slightest bit more pressure, she would have bled out a lot faster.

"God, Laur. Why would you do this?" Dean whispered. He blinked against the sudden burn in his eyes. He couldn't break right now. His baby sister needed him. He carefully took another roll of bandage and slowly wound it around his sister's wrist before securing it in place.

"Does…does she need stitches?" Sam asked so quietly Dean had to strain to hear him.

With a long sigh Dean shook his head. He didn't want to be the one to tell Sam that even a millimeter deeper and she would have been in real trouble.

Sam walked over to the other bed and sat down, putting his head in his hands. He frowned when he heard the rustle of crumpled paper underneath him. He pulled out the paper and his eyes widened with each sentence that he read. He couldn't stop the tears that escaped his eyes as he reached the last line.

"Dean," he said in a ragged voice waiting until his brother's eyes met his. "She really meant to kill herself."

The tears streamed down Sam's face and his hands shook as he tried to hand the note over to his brother. Dean just shook his head. He didn't need to read it, didn't want the words replaying in his mind, instead he gently moved some hair out of Lauren's face and watched her intently.

A millions thoughts were running through his mind. What had happened to push his geek little sister to such drastic measures? She had always been so strong. Had there been signs? Had she tried to ask him for help? The answers to those questions would remain unknown but there was one question that he couldn't ignore. Had he pushed her to this?

Sam read and reread the letter. That's when he saw it. The three words that made his blood boil. _They hurt me._ He had gotten so caught up in his new found popularity that he had ignored the person that meant the most to him. The one person who on weekends would sit up with him and talk for hours about their future plans and dreams. Sam quickly got up from his spot and made his way to the door.

"Sam?" Dean called out cautiously, never having seen the look of pure rage in his brother's eyes before.

Sam spun around and took a few ragged breaths, "They hurt her, Dean," he waved an arm in his twin's direction. "They pushed her to do this and they are going to pay."

Dean didn't agree more but he couldn't let Sam walk out that door and do something he would undoubtedly regret. Hell, he'd go do it himself if the need to make sure his sister was alright wasn't greater.

**Lauren's Point of View**

When I woke up I thought it might have been all some horrible nightmare. That I had run home from school and fell asleep on one of the beds but when I rolled over and as I noticed Dean sitting next to me on the bed watching me with a set jaw I knew this was my reality. I refused to meet his eyes. I refused to see the anger that I was so sure was burning red through the green in his eyes.

"Lauren?" I heard Sam question fearfully from somewhere behind me.

I ignored him as I stared at the pattern on the comforter. What was I supposed to say? Anything I had wanted to tell them before my final moment I had put in my letter. I never thought I'd have to answer for them later. Sleep had helped clear my mind for a little bit but the longer I was awake the more aware I became that the pain in my chest was still there.

I couldn't believe I had any tears left but they rolled down my cheeks anyway. Silently at first until the sobs started and I was gasping for breath because I was crying so hard.

Wordlessly, Dean pulled me into him again and I clung to him like my lifeline. Like my life had literally depended on him, and at that moment I suppose it really did.

"It's ok, Laur," Sam sat behind me with his hand on my shoulder. "We're not going to let anyone hurt you ever again."

The words should have assured me, had made me feel better but it only made me cry harder. I was no longer guarded. I was open and vulnerable in front of both brothers. I was always amazed how worn out a person could be from crying and I eventually cried myself to sleep again.

This time when I woke I heard soft snores from behind me and looked to see Sam hanging haphazardly on the side of the bed. I couldn't tell you the last time the three of us shared a bed but it had been many years. I expected Dean to be sleeping too, his hold on me had loosened though his arms never left their spot where there were wrapped around me.

Figuring I wasn't going to be able to move anytime soon I readjusted my head on Dean's chest trying to get a little more comfortable. Just as my eyes closed again I felt him kiss the top of my head and I was about to smile when I felt a tear drop.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: We sadly do not own anything having to do with Supernatural only Lauren belongs to us.**

**Authors note (SPNxBookworm) : Hey everyone. I'm truly overwhelmed at the response we're getting for this fiction. It's somewhere close to my heart as I know and feel what Lauren's going through as does sweetkiwi604. I know I'm not able to reply to a lot of you guys' reviews but I want to let you know that I do read them and I know that a lot of you know what it feels like to be bullied. **

**I know it's a hard time. I still do get bullied sometimes but I guess I've just learned to brush it off. I know its hard to get those taunts out of your head. Its hard to not hear them at every corner. All I want to say is, I've loved writing this so far with sweetkiwi604 :) She is truly a friend of mine. **

**It does get better guys. Just keep faith. It does get better. Stand up to those bullies. It does help. I tell this from my own experience. And to anyone who is a bystander, who watches people get bullied, I urge you to stand up for your friends. Even if you don't know them, stand up for them. Don't just watch as people get their confidence torn down and shredded. **

**Author's Note (sweetkiwi604): First a huge thank you to SPNxBookworm for writing this with me. She is an amazing person and friend :) Just wanted to say sorry for the wait for the final chapter but as the rest of the story it opened some old wounds and was difficult to write. **

**We hope you enjoy! :)**

Chapter 5

**General Point of View**

Dean was awake most of the night listening to the soft snores escape his brother's mouth as he ghosted his fingers through his sister's hair. The few times that exhaustion had caught up with him and he did nod off nightmares plagued his sleep. What if she had cut just a little deeper? What if they hadn't made it back to the room in time? The twins had always been his responsibility whether it was ordered by their father or not and he would easily lay his life down for either of them in the drop of a hat.

Before long Sam started to shift in the bed next to him, he was gradually being pulled into the world of consciousness and Dean glanced over. Sam and Lauren both looked so young and innocent when they slept. He hated that the when they woke up they were back in the land of living nightmares. If it were up to Dean he would have done everything he could so that they would never have to be a part of that evil sadistic world.

Dean sadly smiled as Lauren let out a deep sigh in her sleep. He had always worried about them getting hurt on a hunt, falling ill or even being taken away from him too soon but never once did he think about normal teenage problems. Lauren had been hurting, emotionally and mentally, and there wasn't some demon he could go hunt down to make it all better.

When Sam got up for the day he looked at the clock and saw that it was past eight in the morning.

"Dean," he started before he was hushed by his older brother.

"Keep your voice down, I don't want to wake Laur," Dean replied as carefully shifted out from underneath her and covered her shoulders with the sheet. He watched her for a moment making sure that she wasn't disturbed before placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

Dean had never been the most affectionate person. He gave hugs when needed and was there to make the nightmares go away on the eve of a thunderstorm but he realized just how close he had gotten to losing one of the two things that meant the most in the world to him.

"What about school?" Sam questioned barely over a whisper.

Dean shook his head as he stretched out his stiff muscles from being in the same position all night. "No, today is about her," he nodded in the direction of his sister. "We'll go back tomorrow."

Sam agreed and went about his morning routine, taking a shower and changing into clean clothes. When he came out he stopped short seeing the red stained carpet. He remembered the crazed look in his twin's eye when he had come too close to her. Sam hated to admit it but for a split second he had been fearful; whether it had been of losing her or that she would have actually attacked him.

He tried to ignore the stain but no matter where he was in the room his eyes were drawn to it. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and grabbed a washcloth and soap from the bathroom and started scrubbing as if his own life depended on it.

While Sam worked on the floor the crack in Dean's heart grew a little more. He knew the kid blamed himself but he couldn't find the words to make it all better this time. Lauren shifted in the bed and Dean prepared himself not knowing what was going to happen when she woke up. Would she cry? Scream? Would she try and hurt herself again? He let out a small sigh of relief as he watched her roll over, still fully in the realm of sleep.

The guilt Dean felt only intensified when the clock read noon and Lauren was still sleeping. Had he been that oblivious to her that he hadn't even noticed she wasn't sleeping? Sam had asked about waking her up so they could talk but Dean disagreed, she needed her rest and when she woke up they would be ready to talk.

**Lauren's Point of View.**

I sighed inwardly as I rolled over on my side, a little away from Dean, still half asleep. I felt my heart break when I heard Dean sigh. Sure, I might be faking it, but not entirely. I'd been asleep till about a couple of minutes ago when I'd peeked through my lashes to see Sam scrubbing away at _my _blood stainon the floor. I couldn't bring myself to fully wake up, or at least let my brothers know that I was.

All I feared was Dean and Sam's disappointment. It's like I was just waiting for them to side with Chrissy and say that I didn't matter anymore to them; that I wasn't worth it anymore. That's what did it. These thoughts came rushing back and I couldn't stop the sob that escaped me and the tears that began to stream down my face. There was no use feigning anymore. I moved to sit up and cried out in pain when it jostled my arm, which surprisingly had been bandaged at some point.

"Hey, take it easy Laur," I heard Dean say as he helped me sit up. I was afraid to look at him or Sam who had rushed over to the bed the minute he'd realized I was awake.

"Chick pea, please, look at me," Dean's voice came out broken and I almost smiled as I heard my old nickname. The tears streamed down my face as I hesitated. I didn't want to see the hate; the disappointment in either of their eyes. "Please?" he requested.

Slowly, I brought my eyes to meet his and I frowned. I didn't see the hate or resentment that I was so sure would be there. I saw pain, fear and tears in his eyes. He looked at me for a minute before pulling me towards his chest and hugging me tightly. I could feel Sam encircling his arms around me from behind. "Don't you dare scare us like that again," he said, his voice shaking.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. I still felt numb. I didn't know what to think. In a way, I was relieved that they'd come before I'd died and then there was this other part of me that still wanted to because I couldn't stand facing Chrissy and her friends again. I just couldn't.

"Don't apologize," Sam said softly running a hand through my hair.

Sam. Oh my God. What did I do? I slowly pulled out of Dean's embrace and looked at my brothers. They didn't despise me. They were scared. I vaguely remembered lashing out at Sam when he'd try to come closer while I was...bleeding out. I remembered Dean being wary of me as he tried to console me.

"Oh God," I muttered before clamping a hand to my mouth and rushing for the bathroom, banging against the side of the door in the process. I barely made it to the toilet before violently throwing up. I didn't expect either of my brothers to follow me but apparently they did. As I tried to breathe through the burn in my throat and the stinging in my ears, I felt coolness on the back of my neck and saw Sam holding a wet cloth to my neck. I heard Dean whispering words of reassurance.

I gasped as I lay back against the wall of the tub as the nausea subsided. I felt drained, exhausted. Dean pulled me towards him and I instinctively curled into his side.

"What happened, Laur?" he asked while Sam held onto my hand.

I wanted to tell them everything, to let them into my world of self-doubt and tortured thoughts. The darkness that had been surrounding me yesterday was still looming in the corners of the room begging, pleading, with me to finish what I had started. I had never contemplated suicide before but when there was no way out death seemed like the only option. The problem was that I didn't know how to explain that to them as I clung to Dean like I was a young child again.

"Is it something we did…or didn't…do?" Sam questioned as his thumb rubbed small circles on the back of my hand.

Of course I wished they would have helped me before this all got out of hand and I started to drown in the endless snickers and comments. But now, when my twin was asking me point blank if it was their fault with such guilt behind his voice I couldn't get myself to tell them that.

"I…it's…" I stuttered a little unsure of what I should say or how much I should dive into everything. I let out a deep sigh as tears welled up in my eyes again.

"Whatever it is, you can tell us," Dean assured tightening his grip on my for a second as if to show he wasn't going anywhere.

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat from the tears, "It's not like I woke up yesterday and decided that today would be the day…it just sort of happened."

"Why?" Dean's voice was soft and there was so much emotion behind that one little word.

"It got too loud," I admitted as more tears ran down my cheeks and soaked his shirt. "Their voices just got too loud and I needed to make them stop."

"Lauren," Sam started out carefully, clearly trying not to say the wrong thing, "Who hurt you?"

The second the question left his mouth and hit my ears, Chrissy's face flashed through my mind; the day in the gym, when my messenger bag ripped, yesterday in the girl's bathroom, every horrible memory running through my mind like an old movie. The nausea hit me so fast that if we weren't already in the bathroom I wouldn't have made it as I sat up and threw up what little was left in my stomach. The feeling didn't subside this time though as my whole body convulsed as I dry heaved. Sam wet the cloth and again held it to the back of my neck as Dean kept me upright and in front of the toilet.

"Why me, huh? Why is it always me?" I whispered between gags and eventually fell back into Dean's chest completely exhausted with no energy left in me to even hold my head up anymore.

What made me so different from everyone else? Was it that I was the new girl? A twin? Was it simply because I was a girl? Could it be the most heart wrenching possibility that there was actually nothing wrong with me at all and I just so happened to be picked so they could have their fun and feel better about themselves?

"You never started those fights in the other schools, did you?" Dean questioned, realization finally crashing down on him as I'm sure the memories of past arguments that had ensued with our father because of them. I shook my head and he carefully wrapped his arms around me again. "I'm so sorry, chick pea, I'm so very sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam asked sounding as hurt as I felt at the moment.

I shrugged a little, "Honestly? I thought you two would be better off without me…easier, you know, one less thing to worry about."

"You are not a _thing_, you hear me? Lauren, I don't care what it is…the world is ending, a stupid fight with Sam, some girlie problem," he paused for a moment and I couldn't help the small smile that snuck out as he tried to be ok with talking about feminine issues. "You can come to me with _anything_ and I will do everything in my power to help you," he glanced over to Sam for a second, "both of you."

That's when I knew. I finally saw the dedication, the love, the reason in both my brothers' eyes. They didn't despise me. They didn't hate me. They weren't scared _of _me. They were scared of _losing _me, like I always would be if anything happened to them. For the first time in what felt like a really long time, I felt a spark of hope. I smiled fully as pulled my brothers into a hug. As I let go, I looked up at them.

"I'm sorry I scared you. Honestly, I wanted to tell you, both of you so many times but you seemed so busy with your own stuff that I felt like I didn't matter. And then it got too loud, too much and I just…" I trailed off, knowing full well my brothers understood the rest.

"I should have been there for you," Sam said, sorrow lacing his tone.

"You were there for me Sam. I just never told you," I corrected.

"Well, tell me now?" he asked, half smiling. I smiled back as I shifted uncomfortably on the bathroom floor.

"How about we sit on the bed and you tell us everything we missed, everything we ignored?" Dean suggested. I frowned slightly knowing that my brothers felt guilty. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I got too caught up and messed up. I decided to keep my mouth shut till we were all sitting on Dean's bed in a haphazard circle.

I took in a deep shaky breath as Dean and Sam waited for me to start. "Okay, first of all, stop blaming yourselves. I got out of control and I know I should have told you. I just never thought it was important when you obviously had better stuff to deal with than your sister talking about her problems," I held up a hand as I knew they'd try and argue over that. "But that's over so let it go."

I smiled as they nodded. Now came the hard part. I felt a little better when Dean laid a hand on my knee. I took a deep breath and started on my story with Chrissy and her buddies bullying me every other day up to the point that I ran away from school after I heard them in the bathroom and…

"And well…you know the rest," I ended awkwardly as I picked at the skin around my nails so I wouldn't have to see their faces.

Sam just looked at me with sad, teared up eyes like he understood what I went through. Then it hit me. I wasn't the only one being bullied at the new schools. I wasn't the only freak. My brother was getting bullied too.

"This is what happened every time?" Dean asked me.

I nodded with a sigh. "Every time. Every school. Like I'd said, I'd never started the fights Dean…they did."

Dean frowned and nodded. The frown soon turned to a look of realization as he turned back to me. "Then that incident in the gym?"

I sighed again remembering the day all to well. "You know how I suck at sports right?" I smirked along with my brothers as they nodded. "Well, we were told to play basketball and I got picked for a team. At one point, I was the only one who was the closest to the basket and was holding the ball. People were yelling at me to throw it and I just…well, threw it. Only, it didn't end up in the basket. It ended up hitting Chrissy in the back of the head, who just got angry and slapped me across the face. And then we got detention," I said dejectedly.

Dean ran a hand through his hair, guilt clearly radiating off of him. I knew he felt bad for yelling at me that day when he'd praised Sam for standing up to and beating the crap out of a guy named Dirk.

"Don't. You didn't know. Can we just…stop now? It's hard enough talking about this as it is. She's just…evil. No matter what I do, it's like her voice is there inside my head telling me that I am nothing, that I don't matter, that I should just die because people don't care as it is," I dropped my head again as I blinked back a few tears.

I startled as Dean took a hold of my face and lifted it towards him.

"You are not going to say that ever again, you hear me Laur? You don't give a shit about other people. Sam and I will always, _always _be there for you no matter what, you hear me? You matter to us. You are everything to us, chick pea," Dean promised before he pulled me into a hug again.

This time, I felt better. Dean was right. My family was there for me. My brothers were there for me. You know what? I mattered. I really did.

**X-X-X**

I took a deep breath as I looked up at the entrance of the school. Truman High. It had been a few days since I'd tried to kill myself and I honestly felt better. The day after, Dean had come back to school to talk to the vice principal about me. He'd mostly told the truth, leaving Chrissy's name out of it though. We didn't need more attention as it was. The vice principal, Mrs. Walters had been great and had told him that it was okay if it took me a few days to get back as she knew I'd be able to cope up soon enough. Being an honor student and taking A.P. classes sometimes helped I guess.

"You sure about this?" Dean asked and all I could do was nod.

"Remember, I'm with you the whole day so don't worry," Sam assured. I smiled as I briefly held his hand. Sam had managed to talk his way out with our homeroom teacher and we now had every single class together.

"I'm fine guys. Really. I want to do this," I said. I wanted to go in. I wanted to make sure I wasn't scared anymore. I wanted to know I was strong enough to handle this again.

And saying so, I walked into the school, my brothers right behind me.

I was surprised when the day went by pretty smoothly. I _did _see Chrissy but she didn't pick on me at any point of the day, though she did whisper something to her friends and they giggled as Sam and I had passed past her. Sarah and Talia had greeted me with open arms in my homeroom and I couldn't help but hope that this day would be better than the rest had been.

We finally made it to lunch and I was kind of warmed by the fact that Sam never left my side. We found Dean who was sitting at a table by himself waiting for us. I saw Sarah and Talia looking for a place to sit and I motioned them over while Sam called over his friend Barry. It was a fun little group. We laughed at Dean's jokes while we ate our food and talked about our day.

"Well, well, well. Look who it is," said an all too familiar voice behind me. Chrissy.

I turned around to see her standing with her arms folded, her friends smirking as they stood behind her. I saw Sam and Dean start to get up but I held my arms out and pushed them back down. I needed to handle this myself.

"Yeah. It's me. So?" I asked as I got up and stood up in front of her. I was still a little unsure of standing up for myself but I couldn't run anymore. I was a Winchester and I was strong.

"Oooh," her friends chanted. "Be careful who you're talking to, loser."

I snorted with an eye roll. "Loser? That's all you can come up with Mia? I'm not a loser. And neither is anyone else that you keep trying to bring down," I said, raising my voice with each word. I suddenly realized that the cafeteria had fallen silent and all eyes were directed towards our table. It was now or never and with the support of both brothers behind me I continued.

"You think that what you do is funny? It's not Chrissy. People feel hurt when you tease and taunt them. The only thing you're doing is making people around you miserable."

"Awww, you're standing up for yourself. How sweet," Chrissy chanted.

"No. She's right!" I heard Sarah say from behind me. "All you've been doing is making people miserable. People are afraid to even come close to you, for fear that we'll be your next target."

"I've been bearing your taunts for over three years now Chrissy," Talia spoke up. "Your words hurt. It makes us feel bad and it's not at all funny. See this?" she asked as he held up her left hand. I felt my blood run cold as I saw a number of small cuts on her arm near her wrist. They weren't as deep as the one I had. It looked like small scratches. It hit me. Self harm. "You're just lucky I didn't kill myself. Trust me, I tried. I couldn't take your insults anymore."

I then looked at Chrissy. "You see? We're not the losers here. We are the winners. Whatever you've done to us, it's made us stronger. We _do _mean something. We _do _matter. You may feel better by making other people feel worse, but think about how those people feel."

Chrissy had turned an alarming shade of red along with her friends. "Whatever, bitch," she muttered to me before hurrying out of the cafeteria. I took a deep breath as she left. Holy crap. That was scary. The cafeteria started applauding and I blushed furiously as I sat down along with Sarah and Talia.

"Chick pea! You rocked it!" Dean told me as he ruffled my hair.

"You stood up to her! Awesome Laur!" Sam beamed proudly.

I couldn't help but smile along. I did it. I wasn't scared anymore.

**X-X-X**

I piled into the Impala with Dean and Sam as I hugged and waved my friends goodbye. Dad was done with his job and he'd finally come to get us.

"So, how was school?" he asked as he pulled out of the school driveway. "Get into any fights Lauren?"

I opened my mouth to explain but my brothers beat me to it.

"She never starts the fights Dad. In fact, she stood up to a bully this time. She stood up for her friends," Dean answered proudly. We'd agreed not to tell Dad about my suicide attempt. I'd promised never to do anything like that again. One little less detail wouldn't hurt and Dad would have exploded if he found out.

Dad gave me a surprised look through the rearview mirror, "Wow. That's my girl."

I beamed. I might still have scars left. But you know what? I wasn't going to be put down again. People could taunt and tease all they liked. I know I mattered, I know I meant something, and that's all there was to it.

**The End. **


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